The Destruction of Mundane Totality


*Disclaimer – Here you will find nothing but words, words are in no way suited to accurately describe this experience.

I has been over 5 years since I experienced.

In the two days prior, I had practiced preparing the Ayahuacha brew and consumed progressively larger amounts.The first night, I only consumed a few sips of the brew. No significant effects were felt. The second night, I consumed around half a mugful. This time, the effects were felt with a similar intensity to a Psilocybin mushrooms. There were unique psychedelic characteristics, but I was always in control of my thoughts.

At some point in the early evening, a concoction of mimosa hostilis bark and syrian rue was prepared. The final brew had an acidity and flavor that resembles human vomit.

After consuming a hefty mugful of the beverage, I waited…

Sometime later, maybe 45 minutes, the nausea set in. I proceeded to the bathroom, where I vomited hard and uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. Exhausted and sweaty, staring at my vomit in the toilet bowl, I flushed it down. Upon raising my head, I recall looking at the hand towel to my left. The white cotton towel was not its stationary old self, but its white fibers had become a sea of motion flowing like a sea of milk. My attention from the vomit was momentarily distracted. The DMT was beginning to take hold.

Eventually, I realized there was nothing left to vomit and moved my body into the living room. However, I was still holding my stomach in nauseating pain. Geometric patterns grew in intensity; mostly green, blue, purple, and transparent triangle-like patterns danced with a motion like similar to fire. The apartment walls disintegrated and I felt as if I was sitting outside in the dirt. A odd new world (or perhaps an old world) was becoming more rooted around me, amplifying with every heartbeat.

Upon closing my eyes, I started to see odd things. It was much like looking out the window of a spaceship. And from the spaceship window I could see a roll of molten gold film spinning at the speed of light. Like the rings of saturn, this film rotated around an illuminating ball. The growing intensity of the experience caused me to shift my focus to music. I attempted to listen to music, but it created an overload on my sensory system, leaving me to focus on the world around me. Thankfully, the hallucinations were starting to subside and the experience seemed to be waning…

I got up and looked in the mirror. What I saw was oddly generic, nothing special at all. Just a body wearing clothes.

The clock is an instrument of little use to the psychonaut. I don’t remember what happened for the next period of time after this. It’s very possible that no time had elapsed at all. Time itself becomes impossible understand. All I know is at some point the DMT resurged, with a vengeance.

This time, the hallucinations became utterly to powerful. I resigned to my bedroom to play the guitar, but found my ability to play had greatly diminished. Falling back on the bed, I watched as a one-eyed alien like figure came into view and started to examine my brain using a long black instrument with an eye-ball at the end. Pushing brain tissue aside with no regard, the being worked with a composure that was methodical, surgical, and professional.  This frightened me. I rose from the bed as if from a awaking from a bad dream, but only to wake in the same terrifying world.

The remnants of my ego were saying “I’m having a bad trip!”, but I realized there was nowhere to go. Leaving the apartment walls or calling an ambulance could only result in greater chaos. I was forced to sit back down, where I can remember watching a cycle of birth and death being played out like day and night, or hot a cold. Two opposities that are fundamentally part of existence. I find this interesting, because this idea is something to which I had never given thought to perviously. It was an new piece of knowledge instilled in my understanding from outerspace as far as I’m concerned.

Finally, a motherly feeling took over. A feeling I can only describe as being held in the womb of the Universe itself. Radiant blue and green colors that projected what I would describe as the being vision of comfort. A most reassuring moment when you realize that everything is going to be OK. You can let your ego, your pride, your jealously, your hate, your love, your desires, disintegrate into the impermanence that they will ultimately become. You realize that you are not who you think you are. You are just a singularity of the universe itself being expressed during a brief moment between birth and death. This state lasted for hours, before I finally fell asleep in complete comfort in the early morning.

I woke up smiling, having obtained important clues for an ongoing investigation into the truth of existence.